I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
