This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
