once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this beer tastes like vomit already
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
