I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
