just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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