Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
