she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
