i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just invented taco cereal.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
