My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
