My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
