You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
