Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
