u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
