I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
