Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
