Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
