We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
