im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
