she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The uberlube is also flammable
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize