hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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