Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize