I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize