hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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