Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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