I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
