That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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