Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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