Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
