Me. At least after what I've been through.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
