I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
