She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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