i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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