you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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