you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she peed on how many people?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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