I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
