3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize