dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
