In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
