and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
