If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
