I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
