She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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