rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
