well I can't set my house on fire every night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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