Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
