if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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