I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
