drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
