Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
