What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
