I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
