You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
