It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
