I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
