my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
