I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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