a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
