There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize