best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
accomplished twins. life is a go
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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