I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
