Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
