You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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