just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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