Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
