We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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