nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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