Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
