I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize