I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
