The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
