you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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