just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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