the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sext me about skeletons
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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