Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
