I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
