he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
